One of the most emotional transitions for any parent is when their little one finally ages up into kindergarten. It’s their very first year of school. It’s the first time your baby is expected to survive without you for an entire day. It’s the first time he or she is expected to rely on themselves and their teachers without being able to reach out to you for help.
As parents, we often worry if we have done enough to prepare our baby for such a big change. Did I teach them enough? Can they really make it through eight hours without me? What should I have done differently to get them ready? How do we really know if we’ve done everything we can, as parents, to ensure they are successful in such a crucial stage of education and development?
Let’s ask the experts: the teachers.
Scary Mommy asked kindergarten educators this simple question: What is the ONE skill you wish every child showed up with? And I’ll be honest, I expected a range of responses in the educational realm, like singing their ABCs and counting to 10. But after posting a survey on Facebook, as well as talking to and emailing multiple teachers, I was surprised to find that the answers I expected barely even make the cut.
Here’s what did.
Life Skills
Multiple responses included the ability to perform simple tasks. Does your child know how to tie their shoes? Can they zip up or take off their jacket by themselves? Do they know how to open a container of milk or how to wash their hands?
These small acts are considered life skills at the kindergarten level. While they may seem inconsequential to you and me, it’s a whole different ballgame when a teacher has to take time away from the classroom to help with any one of these things.
Of the skills listed, the most common interruption and number one skill teachers wished kids had was knowing how to tie their own shoes.
Vanessa Davidek of East Franklin Elementary has been teaching kindergarten for 14 years now, and shoe-tying was the first thing that came to mind for her, just ahead of being able to put a jacket on without assistance.
“I wish all [kindergarten] students could tie their own shoes. We spend a lot of time each day tying shoes. A lot of time the shoelaces have been walked on and are wet. It’s not a pleasant experience,” she says. “It would also be helpful if students knew how to put on their own jackets. This is a time-consuming part of the day, before recess, when we have to help the majority of the kids put on their jackets [before going outside].”
Independence & Confidence
This brings us to the next most common answer: independence. While it’s difficult to say if this is a skill that can be taught, it’s definitely something that teachers agreed would be a useful trait to have as a new kindergarten student.
Several teachers felt it important to stress that children needed to be able to perform tasks consistently without the help of a parent or teacher unless absolutely necessary. And they need to be confident in their ability to do so.
“As a kindergarten teacher, one of the greatest pieces of advice I can share is this: the most valuable skill your child can develop before starting school is independence. While it’s natural to want to help with every little task, giving your child opportunities to do things on their own is one of the greatest gifts you can give them,” says Alexis Tardive of Stride, Inc. “Simple daily routines — like getting dressed, following directions, putting on shoes, washing hands, and taking care of personal belongings — help children build confidence. When children feel capable of doing things independently, they walk into the classroom ready to try new things, solve problems, and take pride in their accomplishments.”
One might argue that to learn and execute life skills independently, a child needs a certain level of confidence. This is especially important in kindergarten, when everything is new and different.
At least, that’s what Sheila Fortson believes. Fortson is a music teacher, child development expert, and non-profit founder at FAME Center. “The one skill I wish every kindergartner walked in with is confidence,” she says. “Specifically, the confidence to try something new without being afraid to get it wrong… So many young kids come in already worried about being judged or laughed at, or feeling pressure, sometimes even from well-meaning parents, to get it right the first time.”
She believes in helping kids take creative risks because that willingness to try something new is the foundation for every other skill they’ll build in their classes.
Fine Motor Development
Fine motor skills also made the list, tying into the other wishlist subjects in a big way.
Cleveland Clinic defines fine motor skills as “the coordinated movements of small muscles, primarily in the hands and fingers, that allow precise actions and manipulation of objects.” We start developing these skills as a baby and are expected to reach certain benchmarks or milestones at different ages. Fine motor skills are the reason a child is able to zip a zipper or tie their shoes in the first place.
Samantha Stein, of the Innovative School in Miami Beach, said if she had to choose one skill, fine motor development would be it.
“I’ve noticed more learners entering kindergarten without the hand strength and dexterity needed for tasks like holding a pencil, forming letters, or even eating comfortably with utensils — largely because increased screen time has replaced many of the hands-on activities that naturally build these muscles,” she states.
Stein encourages families to prioritize play with small LEGOs, Play-Doh, beads, cutting with scissors, and painting. She feels these playful experiences strengthen little hands, making it much easier to develop a comfortable pencil grip.
This leads to the one thing Amy Demont, of Cartoogechaye Elementary School, wished her kids came to class knowing: how to hold a pencil correctly.
“It’s so important because we move so fast with our academics and writing skills. If they at least know how to hold and use a pencil correctly, they will be ready to learn. It’s a bonus if they can write their name correctly too!”
Emotional Regulation
Elizabeth Fraley is the founder and CEO of Kinder Ready, Inc., an education company based in Los Angeles. An educator with over 20 years of experience in early childhood education, she says she wishes every child came to class emotionally well-adjusted.
Fraley says, “Without emotional intelligence, barriers are placed on the ability to learn and engage, and it can also disrupt others in a collaborative classroom learning environment. Children need to know classroom norms, when to raise their hand, how to help a friend, and how to persevere when trying something new. If a child cannot focus, it makes the learning process much more complicated than it needs to be for the child, family, and teachers.”
Memorizing Important Information
Does your child know that your first name is not, in fact, just Mom? Do they know where you work? If someone asks, can they tell them their full legal name or do they only know the nickname they’ve been called their whole life?
Jillian Gerra teaches physical education at Iotla Valley Elementary, several classes of which are kindergarten students, also occasionally monitoring these students in the cafeteria. She confirms, “Knowing personal information such as first and last name, address, phone number, and bus number are all really helpful and make life easier for everybody.”
Several teachers agreed that a child needs to come to kindergarten having memorized important personal information.
Various Other Skills
There were a few other skills that teachers wished their kindergarten students came to class knowing. And even though they weren’t wished for as commonly as the others, they’re worth including here:
- Students speaking up for themselves
- The ability to listen to their body, especially when it came time to use the bathroom
- Basic handwriting skills
- Basic knowledge of letters and sounds
- The ability to count and recognize numbers up to ten
These are probably the skills most parents expect to hear when it comes to expectations prior to kindergarten. Most would find it surprising to know they didn’t make the top of the list.
A local preschool teacher explained this reasoning, saying, “Teaching letters and numbers is the easy part. That’s what [teachers] are for. It’s everything else that’s harder to do. That’s why we try so hard to make sure [kids] know how to do things by themselves before we send them to kindergarten. So the teachers can focus on actually teaching.”
While each skill set is important, and education is obviously the end goal of every teacher, it’s easy to see based on their wishes that kindergarten teachers find a host of different skills even more valuable when a child is coming into the classroom for the first time.
Shara Arora, executive director at Sugar Mills & Meadow Montessori School in Houston, emphasizes, “Parents incorrectly assume that their child needs to know letters, numbers, how to read, etc. But kindergarten readiness isn’t just about academics. The children who have the smoothest transition are usually the ones who are confident doing practical life things on their own.”
Taking into account all of these things, it really makes a parent think. Does your rising kindergartener have the skills every teacher wishes for?
