Dreading Valentine’s Day because it’s just a day where you’re expected to put out to your husband due to social norms is SO OUT.
Looking forward to Valentine’s Day because you got a brand new fun thing to play with in the bedroom (either by yourself or with someone else)? That’s SO IN.
The editors here at Scary Mommy have pooled our very favorite spicy products — that are tried and tested! — to make sure that even though V-Day is a made-up commercial holiday that has made us feel bad in the past, we will get off spectacularly this year, possibly like never before.
Nancy’s Lem Clitorial Massager
Let’s just say that *several* Scary Mommy editors swear by this sex toy. It’s small, it’s discreet, it’s quiet, it’s waterproof, and it’s high quality. And if you haven’t tried an air suction toy yet in your one wild and precious life, run, don’t walk.
“It has 12 settings, and I have yet to get past #4.”
“Possibly my most favorite spicy toy I’ve ever owned and a true gift to myself.”
Sutil Luxe Lube
This lube is non-sticky and water-based, making it safe for toys and is pH-balanced for vaginal health. It also contains hyaluronic acid, which is great for smoothing perimenopausal dryness. It’s alway way less spendy than some of the high-quality lubes out there. Say no more!
Chanterelle Bodysuit
Let me count all the things I freaking hate about lingerie, from how uncomfortable it is, to how bad it makes me look, to how it’s basically made for men and not women.
Now enter Thistle & Spire, my favorite place to buy sexy things that are FOR REAL comfortable, cute, and made for women of all shapes, ages, and sizes. This bodysuit actually makes me feel like I have some coverage while also looking hot, is so kind to my 40-something mom bod, and it is so cute you guys. Love that it comes in sizes up to 3X!
Curious Elixir No. 9
I have tried a wide range of non-alcoholic cocktails at this point, including a bunch with adaptogens. I’m not a huge fan of many of them, but this one I love! This is “a sparkling rosé with fizzy-lifting lime that infuses chardonnay grapes with rose, California poppy and South African kanna.” This is a “heart-opening” concoction they recommend for lovers, and I can attest it’s great. Love that each bottle contains 2 servings.
“Every time my partner and I drink one of these, we either feel super motivated to do a house project or we Get. It. On. Both outcomes are great,” says one anonymous Scary Mommy editor.
Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon
Okay, I need you to calm down and hear me out. What if you got this book for your partner and it was kind of a funny joke because it’s about a woman who gets stranded on an unforgiving planet where she falls in love with a blue alien? And you both laugh about it but then maybe start reading it out loud to each other? Just saying.
Scary Mommy editors attest:
“This started as a gag gift and then it got very serious.”
“I really don’t how I got to this point in my life, but I’m glad I came if you know what I mean. Blue aliens. Who knew? I have read this book five times.”
Le Wand Vibrator
Okay, so I know this looks very large and appliance-like. But you just have to think of it like the Cadillac of vibrators. This is can go longer than you can and it will never break. And it will never let you down. It’s a work horse that will be going strong long after all men are dead.
Says one Scary Mommy editor: “This is like my medical-grade orgasm-producer. It should require a prescription and I don’t know where I’d be without it.”
Lunya Washable Silk Tulip Back Set
Again: If you want me to wear sexy stuff, it better be comfortable. And even better? If it’s easy to wash. I love this cute silk set that looks great at every size and doesn’t fit tightly or tug anywhere. You can even actually wear this to bed like regular pajamas!
Liberator Moisture-Proof Sensual Blanket
Okay, so this might not seem romantic on the surface (pun intended) but… I can’t tell you what a world of difference it makes to have a soft water-proof blanket to play on. Nothing is un-sexier than worrying about laundry while you’re trying to relax, and this blanket was a real game-changer in my relationship.
Butties b-Mine Heart Base Silicone Butt Plug
Okay, who doesn’t want a conversation heart-themed beginners butt plug? Maybe don’t answer that. But for those of us that have been in the same relationship for 20 years and need something to keep the spark alive, pass no judgement!
“We wanted to try out some new kinky play, but a lot of the butt stuff was way too big — this was a, uh, better fit for what we wanted,” says a Scary Mommy editor.
That’s all for now! Whether you drop a few of these links to your significant other, or whether you realize that you deserve your own little treat this year, we hope you have tons and tons of fun out there.
