At some point in your professional life, you will be asked to do something that makes you scowl, “Are they serious?” A 6 p.m. brainstorming session. An important client dinner on the night of your kid’s recital. A weekend retreat that promises team bonding but really means you will miss your kid’s birthday and end up sharing a bunk bed with Carl from compliance.
You want to say, “I’m not available,” but what comes out instead is an overly apologetic word salad: “I am so sorry. My kid has this thing . . . I mean, I’ll figure it out. I can join from the parking lot. Or the bathroom. I’ll mute!”
Let’s just stop right there. “Sorry I can’t. I will be attending my daughter’s play” is not a weak excuse. It’s a sentence. It’s a boundary. It’s a full stop on the guilt spiral and research backs it up.
The Science of Saying No
A 2022 report by McKinsey & LeanIn.org revealed that 42% of working mothers were often or always burned out, compared to 32% of working fathers. And one of the major contributors? Lack of boundaries and unrealistic workplace expectations. Women, especially moms, are more likely to feel they need to “do it all,” which often means dealing with invisible labor at home and being endlessly available at work.
Even worse is when they do set limits, they fear being penalized. During interviews, many women told me that when they requested flexible work arrangements, they were seen as less committed and less likely to be promoted even if they were top performers.
Let that sink in. The system isn’t just biased, it’s allergic to boundaries.
But here’s the twist: employees who have boundaries are actually more productive. According to research from Harvard Business School, employees who detach from work during nonwork hours report higher job satisfaction and lower burnout, which leads to better performance over time. So no, you are not derailing your career by opting out of that 7 p.m. status meeting. You are preserving your energy, so you don’t melt down during your 9 a.m. presentation.
A Cultural Shift Has Begun
For decades, parenting at work has been treated like an embarrassing rash. You know, something to conceal and apologize for. But the tide is turning. Post-pandemic, we’ve seen a rise in what organizational psychologists call “boundary management,” and companies are finally starting to get it. Policies like flexible scheduling and “no meeting Fridays” are gaining traction.
In short, boundaries are the new black.
Still, the social pressure is there. When a parent leaves early for a kid event, some colleagues still view them as “just not committed enough.” To that I say, let them think what they want. Your job is to be committed to your priorities—not to someone else’s broken expectations.
Scripts for the Modern Parent (or who I like to call the Professional Boundary Badass)
You don’t owe anyone a 10-minute monologue. Try these instead:
· “I’m unavailable that evening due to family obligations.”
· “Happy to contribute ahead of time, but I won’t be able to attend live.”
· “That time doesn’t work for me. Can we find another slot?”
Notice what’s missing? Overexplaining. Apologies. A promise to clone yourself.
We really must stop treating parenting like a professional liability. It’s a masterclass in multitasking, crisis management, and emotional regulation. Honestly, parents should be running most things. (Well, except silent meditation. I can’t remember the last time I sat in silence.) So, the next time someone raises an eyebrow when you decline after-hours obligations or say no to a third Zoom call that could’ve been an email, hold your ground. Because “Sorry I can’t. I’m a parent” isn’t about what you won’t do. It’s about what you refuse to sacrifice. That not weakness. That’s leadership in a minivan.
