It’s hard enough making ends meet right now, so the holidays coming in hot feels even more stressful than usual, if we’re being honest. If you’re worrying about how you’ll make a massive Thanksgiving spread when grocery prices are this high, or how you’re going to get everything on your kids’ wish lists for Christmas or Hanukkah, you’re not alone. Chances are something will have to give. Maybe you’re not going to be flying home for the holidays as you have in years past, or you’ll have to forego the dinner and drinks with the girls where you usually exchange nice gifts.
What To Say When You Can’t Afford Something Around The Holidays
Let’s say you and your girlfriends always choose a nice restaurant to grab dinner, and everyone brings a luxe gift for a white elephant. But it’s 2025 now. Oysters and bougie candles are not in your budget this year because *gestures widely*.
“I would love to see everybody just be honest with their friends and just say, ‘You know what? I’m refocusing this holiday. We are really concentrating on experiences over stuff because we know that experiences last a lifetime, so I’d love to get together with you guys. You can come over to the house. We’ll play cards, have a fun night, whatever it is,” says Mary Clements Evans, certified financial planner, accredited behavioral financial professional, and author of Emotionally Invested: Outsmart Your Anxiety for Fearless Retirement Planning. “And if somebody really balks at that, that you’re not spending the money, then they have an issue, and they’re going to be living with their kids. Don’t feel bad about it. Keep calm and say, ‘That’s great. That’s your choice, but that’s not my choice this year.’”
It’s important to keep things positive and not necessarily try to change others’ minds — offering an inexpensive way to be together does just that, Evans says.
What if the thing you can’t afford involves your children, though? It can be harder to help kids understand money, and it feels awful to think you’re the one taking the magic out of the season for them (you’re not, by the way). For example, let’s pretend that each year, you and your family fly back to your hometown to spend Christmas at your parents’ house. They go all out with meals, decorations, and gifts — it’s a real Hallmark movie. But this year, all that airfare is simply out of the question.
Acknowledge that it sucks, and pivot to what you can do to maintain the essence of that tradition, Evans says. “I think you have to sit down and say, ‘I know this is really important. We’re all going to miss Grandma. Let’s figure out something else that we can do with Grandma.’ Maybe for the 12 days of Christmas, you send Grandma a little something, like a letter. Grandmas love letters from their grandkids, and I think the kids love getting letters from Grandma.”
You should also remind your kids that the prices of things like airplane tickets fluctuate; maybe you can go visit her in the spring, Evans says. It’s an opportunity to teach them about financial responsibility and delayed gratification — something hard to come by these days.
“Let them know this doesn’t mean never. It just means not this year, not right now. If you can teach your kids delayed gratification, that’s a phenomenal gift,” she says. “I work very hard every day to get people to learn delayed gratification and to start saving. You’re not one chart or graph away from good financial decisions. It’s the emotions of money.”
