In the presence of manosphere influencers, UFC fighters, and crypto bros, Vice President JD Vance unveiled a “Monument to the Proud Incel” in the White House complex in Washington, DC.
Standing at five feet four inches — or “basically six feet,” according to the plaque — the statue depicts a White man in a slightly too-tight T-shirt and a beanie hat holding a gaming controller.
The sculpture expertly melds the Neoclassical style of idealized men, with wide shoulders and chiseled jawlines, and modern elements like a beer belly and a bicep barbed-wire tattoo.
“Today, we honor the overlooked community of disaffected young men in our country,” said Vice President Vance in the ribbon-cutting ceremony. “This monument puts the ‘bro’ back in ‘bronze.'”
“To paraphrase President Kennedy at the Berlin Wall in 1963: Ich bin ein Incel,” Vance proclaimed.
The statue, sponsored by the nicotine pouch brand Zyn and grooming tools company Manscaped, was designed by ChatGPT and 3D-printed using a unique blend of bronze, testosterone supplements, and protein powder.
Luminaries of the incel community were invited to the unveiling, among them pseudo-intellectual Jordan Peterson, podcaster-comedian-philosopher Joe Rogan, and boxer-influencer Jake Paul.
“It’s very hard for men out there,” wailed Peterson with tears running down his cheeks. “Women are just too picky these days. I’m darn sick of it.”
Sources privy to discussions around the monument told Hyperallergic that a three-foot marble pedestal was commissioned to make the incel figure look taller. And to avoid intimidating the new sculpture, it was installed as far away as possible from any monument honoring a woman.
The administration pledged to divert funds from the National Endowments of the Arts and Humanities to workshops for young men focused on looksmaxxing and bed-making.
After the ribbon cutting, the guests hopped into cold-plunge tubs lined up on the White House lawn. Photographers were not allowed to capture the event for fear of documenting the guests’ shriveled private parts. Vance was reportedly seen indulging in an intimate encounter with a couch.
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