We live in a world where workers are doing more varied and complex tasks. And in most instances, they’re doing so at the expense of focus and performance, according to a global EY study.
People are juggling priorities that shift by the hour and filling their days with decisions that drain more than they deliver. And after more than two decades working with leaders and teams on productivity and time management, I’ve seen the same pattern play out again and again. That of smart, capable people caught in a cycle of saying yes to everything. As a result, they leave little space for what really matters.
My client, Alex, was no exception to this. Most days were a familiar and exhausting routine. On a typical day, he’d finally open his laptop around 10:15 a.m. By then, he’d already had three conversations, reviewed an urgent email thread, made lunchbox sandwiches, resolved a childcare drop-off tantrum, and sat through half a leadership meeting with his camera off and a blank stare. His day had technically begun hours earlier, but it wasn’t until then that he had a moment to look at his calendar and feel the weight of nine meetings, two deadlines, and yesterday’s unfinished list pressing in.
Breaking the cycle of yes
If this sounds familiar to you, that’s because most of us in the modern world have developed an unconscious reflex to keep saying yes to urgency, opportunity, and momentum. In doing so, we’ve trained ourselves to push forward without pause. We’ve also convinced ourselves that availability equals value and responsiveness equals worth.
Our best thinking, most meaningful contributions, and clearest leadership rarely emerge from this state of constant forward motion. They emerge from space. And space is only possible when we learn to press pause, even briefly, and reclaim our right to decide when something deserves our time, attention, and energy.
This echoes cognitive load research, which shows that the brain’s working memory can only process so much before it starts dropping or distorting information. Overcommitting is more of a capacity issue than a time issue.
The power of a deliberate pause
One of the most underused and undervalued tools in this regard is not a new app or a color-coded calendar system. It’s a simple phrase: not now. It’s not about avoidance or indecision. This phrase lets us be deliberate with how we navigate our days and our decisions. “Not now” allows us to acknowledge something’s importance without letting it run our schedule. It gives us permission to protect our current focus, preserve our mental bandwidth, and delay commitment until we have the capacity to give it our full attention.
What makes this particularly powerful is that it doesn’t rely on dramatic change. It asks only for awareness. In fact, small shifts in how we respond to requests and obligations can be the most transformative, precisely because they’re sustainable.
Start by noticing where the automatic yes creeps in. That might be meetings you don’t need to attend, projects that belong on someone else’s desk, and tasks that are loud but not actually important. Begin questioning the pull to respond immediately by pausing before you commit. Let silence do some of the heavy lifting. This kind of deliberate delay can be uncomfortable at first. We’re conditioned to equate speed with success. Slowing down can feel risky, even subversive. But what we’re really doing is replacing reflex with intention. And the impact can be profound.
Leading with discernment
By saying “not now,” we aren’t rejecting opportunity or disengaging from our responsibilities. We’re creating room to assess whether those opportunities align with our values, goals, or priorities. We’re choosing to invest our energy where it will have the most impact, not just where the noise is loudest. Over time, this practice becomes more than a productivity tactic. It becomes a leadership mindset. At some point, every effective leader needs to learn to stop reacting and start choosing.
We all operate in dynamic environments. There will always be times when there is real urgency, and we need to respond. But even in those moments, the ability to discern between what demands our attention now and what can wait becomes a defining skill. Leaders who master this are often those who appear calm amid chaos. Not because they aren’t busy, but because they’ve learned to carry less noise. They know how to separate the signal from the static. They are discerning with their time, and clear in their decisions. They’re also generous with their presence because they’ve protected it from being scattered in too many directions at once.
So when you next feel the tug of obligation, urgency, or expectation, try asking yourself one question: “Does this need me now or am I simply in the habit of saying yes?” Then, give yourself the grace to wait. Remember, it’s not forever. It’s just for now.