When I see a totally put-together beaming, non-exhausted mom, I am very jealous. I am also completely full of wonder. How in the world does she thrive while parenting?! And in this economy!
One mom on the Mommit forum on Reddit, @OK-Entertainer2245, wanted to unlock their secrets.
“I would love to hear from moms who are happy and thriving,” the mom asked. “How many kids do you have? How old? What are you doing right? What kind of help do you have or hire? How do you protect your mental, physical, and emotional health?”
Why does she want to know? She’s feeling overwhelmed and tired instead of happy… and she wants to change that.
“I have 3 young ones and at times find myself overwhelmed and not thriving,” she explains. “I know these feelings are valid and normal with little kids but just curious and would to hear from other people what they do to thrive.”
She also added a few details about herself: She’s a full-time working mom, although she says working from home gives her a little more time than usual. She also has a part-time nanny and help from her extended family.
As you might guess, the most up-voted answer was that you need money to delegate your tasks to paid helpers — and a whole lot of people agreed.
“The only time in my life I’ve truly wished to be filthy rich is since becoming a mom,” one wrote. “Having the means to outsource a lot of things would lighten the mental load SO much.”
“I was gonna say…the only people I know who are ‘happy and thriving’ (kids or no kids) right now are people with money,” another added.
“We both work full time so we use full time daycare for our kids,” shared one thriving mom. “When they’re in school we’ll use aftercare. We also have weekly cleaners. We also pay for every convenience. We pay for closer parking. We pay for skipping the line. We pay for grocery delivery. We’re looking for a meal prepping chef.”
However, a lot of other moms had input on how to make your mom life a little happier that doesn’t (always) have to do with having more funds.
Here are some thoughts we loved:
- “Great neighbors/nice community, helps greatly.”
- “Clear expectations on division of labor. We each know our jobs, and trust each other to do them.”
- “Zoloft. Things really got a lot better once I started it”
- I” feel happy, rested, I workout, I even bought a puppy because I finally have the emotional bandwidth to accommodate one. I’m a SAHM, my husband is the provider. The expectation of me to keep the house, cooking, kids, etc, I’m fine with all of it as long as I don’t have to work a job (because I know doing both I would burn out). My husband and I both like this arrangement.”
- “I protect my mental, physical and emotional health by knowing I can rely on my partner. As long as we have each other, we are okay. We also communicate our needs and we’re both good at helping the other get those needs.”
- “I’m autistic and routine is huge for me. I need it. I’ve made my self care part of my routine and consider it non negotiable.”
- “The #1 thing I have done for myself is finding a mom community. Even when things are hard, having other people to talk to who get it is a game changer. It also helps so that I don’t dump everything on my husband when he gets home.”
- “The biggest thing that helped me feel normal in the last couple years is sleep hygiene. That means a fairly rigid bedtime routine. We put the kids through their bedtime routine, that’s finished typically before 8:00 p.m., then I watch 1 hour of a show or two episodes or half a movie etc, then it’s nightly ablutions, read until 10, with a positive bedtime meditation that I fall asleep to.”
- “For me it’s knowing being a mom was my ultimate dream and I achieved it. So I like to live in the moments and remember one day I will look back and know these are the best years. I always remember they are just kids. The house may not always be perfect, or we may not be either but we have each other in this crazy world and that makes me happy.”
There are definitely some patterns to these responses! Taking time to care for yourself and being present and in the moment seem to be two things that help. So does having a supportive partner who does their part when it comes to caring for the home and the kids.
